The Courage to Continue: Life with a Reactive Dog

Most people who share their lives with reactive dogs didn’t do so by choice. I never intended to specialize in dogs who show aggression towards other dogs or people, or dogs who are sensitive to normal things in the environment. Yet, here we are. It’s a hard and beautiful thing to share time on this earth with a dog, made more challenging when they’re struggling with the very world they find themselves in. Still, we open our doors and our hearts and pour everything we have into our canine companions. If love alone fixed reactivity you wouldn’t be reading this. 

I teach small group classes focused on leash reactivity. One night I was sharing a story from just a few years ago where Manzo and Piper had seen a woman walking on the road. I was happily explaining that we were able to successfully move away using this skill I was about to teach them. The woman shouted, “Your dogs are reactive?!” I smiled, “Yes, they are! That’s why I do what I do.” I could see the look on her face. Not of disappointment that I had dogs who, like hers, barked at people and other dogs, but that I, a seasoned dog trainer and coach, hadn’t “cured” my dogs of their behavior. 

This may be hard to hear but I’ve never been one to sugarcoat things or lie to people. Reactivity isn’t something to be cured. You cannot just “fix” this. Let me explain.

Firstly, your dog is not broken therefore there is nothing to “fix.” That’s right, your language matters. How you talk to yourself matters. How to talk about your dog to yourself, to your dog, and others matters too. Your dog is only behaving in a way that they feel is entirely necessary. That’s not wrong or broken. Secondly, there is no cure for reactivity. Now reactivity is a huge term that covers such a broad range of behaviors. Some dogs develop reactivity as a phase through adolescence and mature through it quite well. Other dogs are just highly sensitive and will always need you to advocate for them. Allow me to share one more truth with you. If we want reactivity in dogs to decline (not just in your dog, but in all dogs) then every single human with a dog needs to do a better job at following leash laws and teaching dogs to feel safe around other dogs. 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been approached by an off-leash dog.

Raise your hand if your dog has ever been startled by another person, or touched in a way they didn’t like.

Raise your hand if your dog has ever been attacked by another dog or witnessed a dog fight.

I’m sure most of you have at least one hand up. Times are changing. It makes my heart sing when I’m on a run without a dog and I see someone with their leashed dog step off the trail to make sure their dog feels safe. Or, when I’m driving and I see someone stop and ask their dog to sit as I drive by. We are starting to realize that if we want dogs to be successful in our human world we need to step up and help them feel more safe about being here. Our world, and expectations, are changing faster than the canine brain.

So if you find yourself a guardian to a sensitive dog, a dog who maybe barks a lot, growls at times, and even lunges at people, dogs, or cars, there is good news. Your dog does not need to be any certain way. Your dog does not need to learn to heel on a leash or to hold a beautiful and flashy sit stay while a package gets delivered. All your dog needs to do is whatever you decide is important for them to do. Full transparency here, I allow my dogs to beg. Yep, you read that correctly. Manzo sits a few feet from the coffee table ( yes we eat and watch TV!) and Piper would lay directly underneath. It’s what I refer to as “polite begging.” As long as they sit there quietly and don’t steal from our plates I am completely fine with them being there. This is our house though, so we get to decide what the rules are. That is the thing, you get to decide what’s important for your dog! 

If you don’t mind a few barks when a package gets delivered, I don’t either. If you don’t mind that your dog struggles meeting new people inside the home, so you avoid it all together because you hate having guests anyway, I don’t mind either! Scrolling the internet can be a dangerous way to find yourself comparing your dogs and your experience with them to others. Your dog doesn’t need to be anything but themselves, as long as they are safe and feel safe. 

This journey that you are on with your dog will have plenty of ups and downs and can be difficult at times but remember that you are in this together! In the words of Mary Anna Radmacher, “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.” Embrace that quiet courage, and keep moving forward. Your journey with your reactive dog is one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences you will ever have.

I’m here if you need a listening ear, a coach to keep you going, or a trainer to help you help your dog. If you’re new to this whole process then I invite you to grab a copy of my Beginner’s Guide to Dog Reactivity. In this guide, you’ll see the phases of behavior change and I’ll give you the tools you need to get started. It’s completely free so click here to grab your copy now.